
OCTOBER 2024
11/10/2024
Arriving home, exhausted and vibrant, I found that something had changed. The floors were covered in thin gray sticks. And mind me not only the floors but most surfaces. The sticks were floating. They smelled slightly moist and a few days old. Like any friend, who has been lying in their own secretions for days. I found sticks in the washing machine, in the cupboard, in between my toes, on the showerhead and in my underwear. I gathered them and organized, just as Marina has taught me to do. They were different shades of grey, at least 52. I organized them on my light blue, stolen, kitchen table. All moments that I had categorized, outside of the defined moments of my life, I was gathering and organizing sticks into perfect constellations. I built huts and caves, created waterfalls and valleys. I made lines from light to dark, from dark to light and from desire to disgust. One morning I found twelve sticks in between two wooden panels.​There was no end to this stickiness. In the soggy bag of the vacuum cleaner, I found a million more.​The smell got stronger. These sticks were someone. If I gathered them all they would appear, it would happen, anything would finally happen. I was so tired of waiting. The plants had started their quests towards extinction. Day after day they gave in, as I kept searching and organizing. They slowly turned from green to a darker shade of green and then went unnoticed. They suck up the moistness of the grey collage on the stolen table and couldn’t resist but to start ruminating.
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17/10/2024
Every morning I wake up and think about David Beckham and about Sigmund Freud.
Lately I have been thinking about David Beckham’s father too.
I am so jealous, that David gets play soccer all day every day.
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18/10/2024
However, there are a few things that must be mentioned. What must be mentioned is that I am forever grateful for female emancipation, since I was yesterday again, grabbed by the boob by a seventy year old dancer. And it felt like nothing, and I thought how lucky I am to not feel anything but a slight relief that these kinds of old men are going extinct. I love the politeness of teenage boys (as I am of the breed that insists on LOVE and dedication rather than polite actions) in boxing class, I love how they ask me if they can hit harder, and how I am doing today. I’m convinced this is due to the new generation, the post-gender kids, filled with respect and distance and my friend is convinced the politeness is because they consider me a MILF. The second option is very unlikely since my screen age is seventeen, and so, maybe they were just flirting. I was ovulating after all. And all biologists know the natural forces of ovulation and too much testosterone in a sweaty room. I’m amazed by testosterone. I love it. I wish I had it. I want to lick it, suck it, inject it, and let it let me grow. I want to become enormous. A tank of testosterone. I want a fat back. I A comeback for fat.
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23/10/2024
2024 IN
baileys
tuna tartar (sorry)
v neck
Catholics
2 person bands named after dogs and grocery stores (stockmann herkku ie)
autofiction (still)
zumba
nike
pussy riot
pitbull
flutes (silver, not the wooden one)
ready-made guacamole
parsley
warm colors
short nails
hawaian flip flops
garlic powder
yung lean
relationship status on facebook
dry cake
friends
biceps
whipped cream
saucony
forgive&forget
side step (dance move)
forgive and forget
white people on stage exploring whiteness
white people on stage
body fat
ville valo
kalinka yoghurt
salibandy
knee pads
jallukola
käskyttäminen
green peas
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2024 OUT
pet nat
fabrics as scenography
hoka one one
airpods
labradoodles
joutilaisuus
hyperpop
extinction rebellion
minimalism
thongs
linssisipsi
fresh garlic
bread
safe space
ketamine
hoka one one
heaven, hell & angels
ready-made art
ketamine
gaycurious
jewelry
women
rakettispagetti
sormikkaat ilman sormia
banana
organs (the instrument)
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30/10/2024
I already saw them the night before. Pointed my finger and said beautiful. My friend turned too late. He didn’t see the beautiful boy. They disappeared into what I thought was a toilet but found out was just another room.